Should I Let My Boyfriend Be Friends With His Ex?

By using our site, you acknowledge that you have read and understand our Cookie Policy , Privacy Policy , and our Terms of Service. Interpersonal Skills Stack Exchange is a question and answer site for people looking to improve their interpersonal communication skills. It only takes a minute to sign up. Me and Jane go way before I meet Bob. Actually, she presented me to him. Since then, we became really close friends, at the point of starting a business together.

It’s never OK to date your friend’s ex – and this is why

Yes, you may as many people tend to get completely wrapped up in your own feelings and give the middle finger to anyone who tries to tell you otherwise, but if one of your besties decided to start humping your ex, would you be supportive or forgiving? Thirdly, yet without intending to come across as territorial in a caveman-defecating-on-his-patch-of-land sort of way, that person was with you and was part of your life.

They were someone who significantly contributed to shaping the person you are today. Anyone familiar with Friends will be fully aware of how often they swapped and shared partners. Not only is that his best friend, but he massively betrayed him. Being honest, showing respect, and having trust in one another is the key trinity to BFFs.

A: While it’s noble to try and remain on good terms with an ex, let’s address the If you can honestly tell the girl you’re dating, “I hold no ill will toward my ex,”.

By using our site, you acknowledge that you have read and understand our Cookie Policy , Privacy Policy , and our Terms of Service. Interpersonal Skills Stack Exchange is a question and answer site for people looking to improve their interpersonal communication skills. It only takes a minute to sign up. See this question for more context. I plan on asking my friend Penny out. However, the tricky part of this situation is that Penny and my good friend Kyle dated for about a year.

They broke up two months ago on good terms. I don’t want to ask Kyle’s “permission” to ask Penny out because I believe that although they broke up on relatively good terms that Kyle could be spiteful and attempt to muddle things up. So instead, I plan on presenting him a fait accompli after asking Penny out if things work out with her. I want to ask for his “forgiveness” after the fact.

‘Can I date my ex-boyfriend’s best friend?’

But every once in a while, the universe speaks to a person and lets him know that, although it seems wrong at first, there might be a bigger reason your friend dated this person in the first place — maybe it was to connect the two of you, instead. Such a situation, of course, can be tricky, and must be handled with care. Two men talking on a walk iStock.

Woman apologizing after an argument iStock.

What do you do when you want to date your best friend’s ex? importantly, what people should do when pursuing the exes of their best friends, orifices (like her face, ya pervert) talk to your friend and tell him how you feel.

The support of family and friends is generally a good thing for a relationship and its success. Those concerns are best brought up gently, says Cobb, for similar reasons as avoiding mentioning minor annoyances—you could end up making your friend feel more judged than cared for when they need support most. But not all faults are worth bringing up, she added, depending on how long your friend has been with this person and how serious the relationship may become.

Knudson said taking stock of where your concerns are coming from is important before you voice them. Are you jealous, lonely, or perhaps just tired of hearing about their fights? Samantha had almost always approved of the men one of her close friends dated. But something about the guy her friend was seeing the summer after their second year of university rubbed Samantha the wrong way, and she held her tongue. One night, the boyfriend got really drunk and started calling Samantha names, causing her then-boyfriend to intervene.

When Samantha and her own boyfriend broke-up a few months later, she was reluctant to tell her friends of her intentions to reunite because they had made it clear they thought the relationship was unhealthy and she should stay single for a while. Pointing out how wrong a partner was for someone, however serious the reasons may be, can make vulnerable friends second guess how safe it is to share their vulnerability with you, said Knudson. A joke at the expense of an ex many years down the road is probably harmless, she said, but no one can predict the future.

What to Do If Your Best Friend Starts Dating Your Crush

It does, after all, seem like a hard line to draw in the sand. On the flip side, it might also impact your relationship with your friend, depending on things like how they broke up , how long they dated, and whether or not they still harbor feelings for this person in question. If the breakup was recent, for example, your friend may have some lingering feelings.

They may also feel awkward about situations in which the three of you might hang out after these new relationship lines are drawn.

Your buddies ex girlfriend never looked so good. But every once in a while, the universe speaks to a person and lets him know that, although it seems wrong Because you think it’s worth it to pursue a relationship with his ex, to get closer to him or her and I’m concerned about how you feel about that.

When we started dating, Steve mentioned that he was friendly with an ex, and I gave him a mental bonus point. When Lisa and I met, we clicked straightaway. We arranged to meet up the following week to go to yoga. Now, we catch up at least weekly. Skip navigation! Story from Relationships. My partner, Steve, gets up to go to the bar, Lisa goes to the toilet. Sure enough: “Are you really okay with this? Lisa and I are friends.

That we spend lots of time together even without Steve. The coworker looks suspicious and, as the evening continues, I notice her eyeballing the three of us, trying to figure it out. She thinks something weird must be going on. Almost everyone reacts strangely to mine and Lisa’s relationship, but it is other women in particular who seem to find it so hard to understand.

What is ‘pocketing’? Here’s how to tell if it’s happening in your relationship

Things had been great between us. Two things happened when I got here, however, which have me thinking. First, when I arrived I was very ill with a horrible cold. My boyfriend was also sick with food poisoning but he avoided me physically. I was hurt but understood.

Butthead, for what I’m sure will be obvious reasons in a moment. And come to find out, I was already good friends with a lot of them before he and I had ever met. The mere thought that his friend was seeing his ex was driving him bananas. would end up dating one of your friends, especially if she was especially hurt.

My best friend is my ex. We were together for only about six months, and we were living together for about half the time we were together. We broke up about six-seven months ago. We ended up going to a street dance together and got a few drinks afterward. We’ve also slept together countless times. One day I started dating someone else, and it quickly ended. Also, he hasn’t had a girlfriend since we broke up.

He always tells me about girls that he goes on dates with and how they are all “stupid” and wear too much makeup and are always “too much. And also thinking well you have what you say you want right in front of you! After I had talked to him about my breakup we ended up watching a movie, and in the middle of it he had put his arms around me and pulled me up onto his lap, and we continued to cuddle through another movie, and I ended up spending the night, and we also slept together.

It sounds like a pretty comfortable situation for him.

Ask Erin: I’m In Love With My Best Friend (Who Is Also My Ex)

Subscriber Account active since. Sometimes when you develop feelings they happen to be for your friend’s ex. But, pursuing these feelings might not always be worth it. Here are some potential red flags to consider if you’re trying to decide whether or not dating someone your friend has dated is a good idea. Whether the relationship went down in flames or if two people who truly loved each other realized that things just weren’t going to work out, most breakups can be tough.

And some can be worse than others.

If you’re gay, you will almost inevitably date a friend’s ex at some point. In fact, when we met, my now-partner was on a date with my best friend. (I’m going to use female pronouns for your friend, and male pronouns for besties, his ex can probably live without hearing the details of his current sex life.

A taboo, for most people? Of course, when you first realize that you are attracted or seriously interested in the best friend of your ex-boyfriend, you may feel slightly weird about it. Do you go after the guy, and risk pissing the ex-boyfriend off? Do you let him get away and then always wonder what could have been? It is quite a pickle. Pro tip : Preferably, the two of you should tell him together that you want to date. Your email address will not be published. Now that you know that you really want to do this, you need to realistically assess the situation.

Is It Ever OK to Date a Friend’s Ex?

The subject who is truly loyal to the Chief Magistrate will neither advise nor submit to arbitrary measures. This article was published more than 10 years ago. Some information in it may no longer be current. A reader writes: I was friends with a couple in high school, though always closer with the guy. We went to the same university, but the couple broke up in second year.

It’s now five years later and I am still friends with both.

his own emotions, let alone develop enough to be okay with you dating his ex. He might even ask you if you’re hanging out in more of a dating way, the opportunity to express early distaste of your friendship with Jane.

When my oldest cousin Laura brought her then boyfriend now husband to Christmas Eve dinner for the first time, we sat him down, gathered around the table and each wrote our “yes” or “no” vote down on paper to determine whether or not he was worthy of dating her. We put them all into a hat and read out the answers one by one — to his face. This has since become a Christmas tradition in our family, and as such, has deterred me from ever jumping the gun on introducing a significant other to my family unless I’m absolutely sure he’s worth it.

But even if your family isn’t as intense as mine, figuring out the right time to introduce your love interest to your family and friends is never easy. Doing it too soon could be off-putting; doing it too late can make the person you’re with feel like you’re not that serious about your relationship. Not doing it at all? That’s what we call pocketing.

Pocketing goes beyond avoiding the dreaded meet the parents moment. As psychologist and life coach Ana Jovanovic explains, you’re hidden from view in virtually all aspects. Your relationship seems non-existent to the public eye,” she says. It can be a tricky thing to detect, but as Rachel Perlstein , licensed clinical social worker practicing in New York and Los Angeles, points out, one key difference between waiting for the right time and being pocketed is transparency.

Pocketing comes with the intention of hiding away the person you’re dating. Oftentimes the pocketer does not want their partner to meet friends and family; it’s a way of creating space and distance in the relationship. No matter what your family situation is like, that underlying fear that the person you think is so great may not jive with your family or potentially worse, your family may not approve of them can be overwhelming enough that avoiding those introductions all together feels like the best solution.

Can You Date A Friend’s Ex?